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Eyes of a fallen angel, Eyes of a tragedy [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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(no subject) [Feb. 7th, 2008|09:42 pm]
so im pretty sure no one reads this anymore do they?
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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2007|05:15 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |i can get sexual too- say anything]

"If I'd paid attention to what others were thinking, the heart in me would have died. But I was much too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity. Someone had to reach for the rising star, I guess it was up to me."-bob dylan

if ever i was looking for the right words to but how my life is going and where its heading... its that.
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(no subject) [Jul. 2nd, 2006|03:35 am]
i havent posted in forever. i doubt anyone reads this anymore.

im in boston. night shift.
drunk watch.
atleast i got 3 hours of sleep.

rode with the boston EMTs on friday.
responded to a guy OD'd on heroin.
if you have never seen someone OD'd i highly suggest you do and then think about doing drugs.... its sad.

friday drank too.

drink. drank. drunk.

honestly i want to be back in virginia right now.
we hadnt planned on comming to boston so yes on short notice we got stuck with it.

sometimes i get the feeling im going to be old and lonely and i need to realize it.
why is it that people tell me you look so happy but some days people act like im going crazy. whatever. im starting to take college classes.
riding around with the EMT's makes me want to be a paramedic and save people. so my goals before the navy... get a degree in health science managment andddd get ems/paramedic qualified

oh and by the way... my dad has cancer.
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(no subject) [Mar. 4th, 2006|04:09 pm]
so i have duty today
which means every 8 days i have to stay here for 24hrs.
suck my dick

ive been painting the o2 store room, i was wearing a respirator but i still feel light headed and i feel like gonna fall over any second.

wednesday i saw thrice
thursday i saw the horrorpops,sick of it all and dropkick murphys
yesterday i saw the amber pacific, the early november and silverstein.

i dont understand myself.
i dont understand guys.

i really want tomorrow to come, quick.
i have a TON of shit to do this weekend and because ive had duty 2x this week.. i feel like im going to explode.

ps did i mention on thursday it was definatly 80 degress and it was definatly snowing back home
and i was wearing my navy mesh bball shorts and tank top lookin all fly when ya'll were bundled up. hahah

i miss my family..
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(no subject) [Feb. 28th, 2006|09:37 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]

lately ive been having these weird feelings, sort of out of body.
maybe im delusional
but ill be just sitting there and feel my self getting lighter and lighter and my body feels weightless and my spirit is free like im ready to float.
maybe its a preminision.

in other news i have a car.
a tan 98 toyota corrolllaaaaa.
its cute. it needs a cd player.
looks brand new.
smells like strawberries
runs beautiful and good on gas.

i hate virginia drivers though.
dumb fucks, not to say im perfect, i get distracted easily.

work sucks.
next week im going to be in the middle of the ocean. gggggggggreat.
last week of may however, we're going to be in NYC.
time to see my gangstuh homies like \/\/errrrd.

i really d ont know what i want out of the rest of my life.
yes college degree is what i want by the end of my 5 years of wasted life in the navy...
but seriously. i dont know if im going to stay in here any longer than i already have to.
it sucks.
but if i do get out... what else am i going to do?

lately ive sort of been a wall-flower... how to you break out from such a bad unintentional behavior?
im not always like that but it seems to be a constant

maybe this whole working until un-godly hours and working on my day of saturday for the past week has made me that way.
anyway. the rest of the week we get out at noon because medical works our asses off for a pat on the back and get back to work shrug. all in the name of being number one department on the uss kearsarge.
deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-votion ;)
its late and i have duty, im tired so its bed time.
8 hours of sleep... aint toooo shabby.
tomorrow i have a date, yes. not only with the laundry mat buttttt a real live male.
who has a mustang. like wayne.... SHAAAAAAAAWING

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stole from hannah! happy new year bitchs [Jan. 1st, 2006|12:58 pm]
[mood |bitchybitchy]

2005 survery #1
1) Was 2005 a good year for you?
overall, yes. i accomplished so much this year

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
shows, graduation, going away party, navy!

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
my stepdad and our disagreements, leaving everybody for 6 months and now again for a couple years.

4) Where were you when 2005 began?

5) Who were you with?
laura murph murph!

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?
hotel and downtown!

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
chris, maureen, vince, smitty &co.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?
i dont recall making one

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
just be successfull i guess but i already am so i guess to stay out of trouble and take NOTHING for granted

10) Did you fall in love in 2005?
yes... i thought TWICE. how pathetic but i realize i was never in love the first time so more like ONE

11) If yes, with who? <3
chris <3

12) If yes, do they know?

13) Are you still in love with them?

14) Do you regret it?

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005?
more than i ever thought

17) Who are your favorite new friends?
vaughn, velaszquez,micah, martin, moore, austin, scott hewlett, jackson (my navy people) <3

18) What was your favorite month of 2005?
hmmmmm june
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
illinios and fuckinnn pennsylvania

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
not to me nope

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?
wow wish i knew

24) What was your favorite song from 2005?
COLLIDE- howie day!

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005?
a ton

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?
Snapcase final preformance, unwritten law, blood brothers.

28) Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005?
haha yeah especially these past few months

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005?
hahah no comment!

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
not that i remember

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
that they had cancer but didnt

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?

36) How much money did you spend in 2005?
too much i wwish i would have saved it all!

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?
graduating fucking boot camp and finishing hospital corpsman school!!!!! being in chicago!!!

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
i have those all the time

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
that i would have saved money

40) What are your plans for 2006?
travel duh im gonna be on a ship but not taking life for granted, living life to the fullest, skydiving, starting college classes in virginia
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(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2005|12:54 am]
[mood |curiouscurious]
[music |armor for sleep]

It's funny how
things work out,
the ones we need
don't know we're there
If I were sand
and you were oceans,
the moon would be
why you're pulled to me

I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can't ever be
the one person that won't ever forget me


i realize how much ive gained from this experience thus far.
this past year has been such a fucking ride. its amazing.

ive lost so many friends but gained so many
went to amazing shows
snapcase/ alexisonfire, my chemical romance/the used. tsl, blood brothers, action action, alexisonfire.... im missing a ton more...
and the most amazing part of the year- CHICAGO.
losing the one person i loved..

i go back in 3 days.
theres so much i need to do and say before i go.
i feel like i havent done half as much as i wanted to or say during this time home.
and the fact that this is my last time home for a couple years.

can i sleep now?
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(no subject) [Dec. 22nd, 2005|01:11 pm]
my single love horoscope today:
Starting over isn't easy. But think of this as an opportunity to sweep your romantic past of everything that didn't work, and figure out what will for your bright new future. Be positive.

i miss micah so much
sometimes i think about different options, we would still be together if i hadnt of brought scott with us that one weekend, how he would never have met those girls and how all the things that happened would never have.
but hes there and im here.
and if he wouldnt have gotten in trouble if he were together

cant look back, you can never look back
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(no subject) [Dec. 21st, 2005|10:12 pm]
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[music |armor for sleep]

i thought when i came home everything would be awesome and be everything i was planning on... is it?

i miss my vaughn. i wont see her until i get back to chicago.
yes this week blows.
but next week im going to rochester, plus my super new years partyyy downtown with maureen, that will be interesting. and going to a sabres game
its just right now i feel really let down by a lot of people i know.
i dont think ill be coming back to buffalo for a few years if ever.
i miss chicago.

i realized comming back here absolutely nothing has changed and everyone else is still the same.
im not. ive changed, a lot. not just my looks and style.
ive grown up. i appreciate a lot more.
and im not as dumb and carefree, i realize that some people are stuck in the same rut they will always be stuck in and go no where.

i should stop bitching.
i just need to get laid.
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(no subject) [Dec. 19th, 2005|08:46 am]
you know whats sad?
when your home and no one recognizes you

like i went to wilson farms and this girl i went to high school with cashed my stuff out, didnt even recognize me

then at the mall last night 2 people, tiffany and jesse whom i used to work with, i walked by and they didnt even say anything.

i feel invisible

oh well.
im getting showwered.
going to the elmwood for rizzile

and ps.
im sick of always helping people. time for myself
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